Judgements

How do we judge others ? is it fair to judge them based on OUR own standards?2 months ago, I've had a list of whats '' right '' and whats '' wrong '' .. of whats '' good '' and whats '' bad '' .. I was never really into judging but I'd be honest and I'll admit, I did have standards for everything ..but then I met a friend who opened up my eyes and made me realize how wrong I was … no one is supposed to judge anyone ..and whats even worse is when you do it based on your own standards …
Let me give you an example, marriage is very holy to christians .. and no one is allowed to marry more than one woman .. but in islam, men get to have 4 wives .. if you ask any christian about what they think, they'd say its madness .. imagine them knowing that our prophet had more than 10 wives .. he'd be a joke to them .. do you get my drift ? right and wrong don't exist .. unless it was common sense of course but again, common sense doesn’t make sense anymore …

Lets hit the point, MY PARENTS ARE GIVING ME HARD TIME .. I'm being judged so hard .. they think I've been out of kuwait way too many times, but I think they’ve been out too few times ..
mum, dad, my dear brothers and sisters, GET OUT OF HERE AND SEE WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT !!!

it is so sad to watch them think like that … they have this typical kuwaiti mentality .. I mean no disrespect but this is not even a mentality, its what I call the KUWAITI STUPIDITY ..let me explain it more .. let me define the TYPICAL KUWAITI citizen ? superficial, 1st thing they'd ask you is your last name , girls are judged by the prices of what they wear and guys are judged by the car they drive.. you can never have a decent conversation with any of them because they don’t know what '' conversation '' means, its all GOSSIPING to them .. everyone is trying to be better than the rest of them and by better I mean, looking cooler or having cooler gadgets .. no body has his own way of thinking .. they just go with the flow .. a lot of them have no destination or dreams and the ones who have goals, would wanna have a better job for a better salary so they can buy a yacht, a chelet or a pimpy ride ! I'm so sorry if I was being judgemental, harsh or any.. I'm just trying show you the people I deal with everyday ..I know I'm not supposed to judge and I;m not .. I just need this to clear my next point …

I've been different since I was young .. I';ve always been that little curious thing .. wrecking and breaking toys to see what makes them move .. digging the soil to find out where all these ants are going .. I've always wondered about everything .. ive always seeked answers from everywhere .. and I ended up having a little of everything .. a mixture of religeons , old philosophy and a different view of life ..

The things I dreamt about, the things I stood for, were different from the people around me .. and people started looking at me in a very weird way .. untill 3 years ago, they made me believe that I was some sort of a wierdo, a freak. But then, I travelled and I met people from different part of the world that told me that I was completely normal .. lol .. that’s when my journey of the truth has started … I wanted to know what life is really about .. the values that I was taught, the standards that I;ve been given .. they didn’t make sense to me and now I know whyy..
And I was given a new nickname .. I'm not only a freak but a rebel too .. because I'm going against everything those people believe in .. I'm not .. I'm just living my life .. I respect everything you believe in and I'd never try to change you so please, live and let live …

Woaw, such a long introduction for whatever I wanted to say ..MY FAMILY IS GIVING ME A HARD TIME !!they want me to talk like them, to dress like them , to THINK like them .. well it aint gonna happen .. they don’t like the fact that I have friends who are '' different '' .. they hate the fact that I got friends who are gay, who are atheist , who are non kuwaities … seriously .. ok ok I could understand the gay and atheist part but NON KUWAITIES ??? how sad is that ? looking down at those people because of their nationality or race !! THERE'S MORE TO A PERSON THAN THEIR NAME, AGE , NATIONALITY OR RACE !!plus, what if they were gay or atheist ? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ? u say its 7aram, I agree with u, it is 7aram but I;m not god and you're not god too so why don’t you mind your own business ? plus, everyone has their own flavor and u cant call me '' wrong '' because I prefer vanilla to chocolate and you can never force chocolate on me .. its exactly the same .. people are different and we sshould respect that .. if they respect you, then why not respect them back ? they never judged you, never caused you harm .. why judge them ? why make their life harder ? its so stupid ..

My sister thinks im crazy because I want to spend the rest of my life exploring the world, getting to know the different cultures, the language, the customs .. where' s the madnes in this ?my brother thinks I;m mo 9a7ia coz I'm gonna ask my husband to wear a necklace .. a black thread because I find it sexy .. now you think this is such a wrong thing ? to ask a man to wear a necklece? I've never called any of your kinky fanaties wrong .. lish ma7ad yeqol its wrong 3an el handcuffs ? the eye blinders and stuff ??

I'm just sick of this discrimation .. whatever people favors is RIGHT ! … so a girl walking with full make up, wearing a skirt higher than her knees with sleevless top IS OK ? because its common here .. its ok, there is nothing wrong with that .. but seeing a girl ona bicycle or jogging bel mamsha IS FOTHEE7A O '3ALA6 O 3AIB O AMBEE !

I don't want to write more because I'm trying to clear my systems of nagative thoughts, I'll just say allah yehdihom 3ala hal tafkeer .. and here's a tip:
Seriously, get ur brain checked .. cause I think its disconnected !

Wanted .. a Buddy!

you know, writing about this makes me feel so small .. so pathetic ..
i cant believe i'm still looking for buddies and friends although in real life, i'm actually overbooked and i'm trying to run away from them .. how ironic ..

it's just, none of them feels real .. we all have common interests .. they're there because of my job , family related , or stuck together since school .. i know everyone has a choice and anyone can leave but i don't know ..

i'm writing this because, i had to beg .. lets see *counts with her fingers* 6 of my friends to come with me to chocolate bar, i even offered to pay for them yet everyone was too busy .. i know i'm being a baby here by getting upset because i should be mature enough to realize that everyone has their own lives .. WHY CANT I HAVE SOME ONE WHO'LL HAVE ME AS THEIR PRIORITY ? 9eg 9eg eb 5a6ri eb chocolate bar :'''( and i haven't had that for more than 6 months now since i've been on a diet :( ...

i've also been screwing my diet alot .. not screwing with disaster-ous food but more like having more fruit than i should have .. instead of 2 , i'm taking 4 but CMON, thats not screwing up ! screwing up is having chocolate or fatty food .. oh .. chocolate bar .. ? hmmm .. DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT ! WALLAAAAAAAAAH MESHTAHYATA *sobs*

i want a diet buddy or a gym buddy or just buddy buddy who'd watch over my diet and work out .. i really really really need support :( ...

i've always been the best friend anyone could ever have .. very supportive .. how come, there's no one like me out there :( ?

world, YOU STINK !

Incomplete

It has been a while since i've written here .. the reason why, i thought i was no longer lost and delirious but .. obviously, i was wrong lol

Here i am today, I stand proud of who i am and of all the things i've achieved in my life ...
I've lived a life of a fairy tale .. I've gone beyond all the limits and bounderies .. I've made it to where ever i am heading .. I've made most of my dreams come true .. I've got it all .. I don't mean to brag but al7amdellah ya rab, my life is alot of people's dream ..

Standing here, it feels like i'm on the top of the world but the problem is, I look down and all i think about is jumping .. I've climbed it all only to wish to jump of that cliff !

why ? because it feels so empty .. to have the world for your self ... to be surrounded by all these blessings .. all for your self .. to have so much to share .. to give .. and to have no one ..
don't get me wrong, i'm not a pathetic romantic lonely girl ! on the contrary, i'm surrounded by so many people, popular among my friends and its so easy for me to socialize . and no i'm not looking for a husband or a stable relationship .. this is not what i need .. i don;t really know what i need ..

its like i ran the marathon and finished 1st place only to go and celebrate alone ..

the more i write, the more pathetic i sound .. blaaaaah ...

i just feel incomplete .. i want some one to share this with .. i wanna show them what the world is all about, i wanna share this life with them ...

my writing skills became really rusty since i havent written for a while .. still expressless .. maybe after a couple of entries, i'll get it all back ... hopefully

My blog

my blog , my thoughts
i'm gonna bomb my head here and let all of my thoughts out ..
i don't care what people might think ..
i just need peace ..
i need to let those things out
before i explode !

a drive into my past

I took the longest drive along the cost .. starting from shwikh beach all way to el kout in fehaheel .. i guess i needed some time alone .. or maybe i hoped that i'd feel something that i've been missing .. it was a drive into the past indeed .. along that cost .. i passed many of my precious memories .. places ... faces ...

Sobah hospital .. our 1st sunrise together .. that night .. wow i cant even put it into words .. those feelings are so overwhelming .. to be able to watch you as you fall asleep .. that angelic face of yours .. that silly smile of you when ur sleeping .. that sunrise ... i guess it was the beginning of the end...

shwikh's beach.. that day .. as the sun was setting .. i closed my eyes and i kissed my loneliness away ... and in the same time, you were kissing me ''goodbye'' ...

Blajat .. behind that Hill .. two lovers ... safe.. away from the world .. but not away from you .. not safe with you .. i should have known better than to write our future in the sand ..

No5tha Restaurant ... although i really really hated the food, i dont know why, i felt so close to you on that day .. hmm maybe because we were one, u know stuck eating the same ewwwie food, hehehe ..

Elkout : i'm not even gonna start talking about it ... that fountain ... that place ..
'' our place '' it sure don't feel the same without you ..

these memories will always hunt me .. but i'll keep on running away from them ...
i know i loved you enough but i also know that i could have loved you more ..
i know this wont change a thing .. you'll still be gone today even if ive given you all the love in the world coz you never really loved me ..

but i wish i loved you more ... for my sake...

What am I?

i'm a little bit confused about my self;
i'm not interested in guys at all , they make me feel nothing!
and girls don't turn me on or whatsoever
but i did fall in love with a girl .. we had a thing going on but never reached the physical level .. atleast not from my side ...

does that make me gay ?